What might have been, or what will be

Have you ever thought about what might have been?  How the world might have been different if, say, we had won in Vietnam, or if Cuba had been successfully invaded at the Bay of Pigs?  What about the smaller things?  What if I had asked that cute girl at the restaurant for her number?  Would we be sitting down to dinner now, or watching the world end in a cheesy movie?  What if I had sent in my college application to UT on time?  Would it have made a difference?  Or would I still be here?

I've just turned 7.  My cat, who was always such fun to play with, can't be found.  He isn't in the back yard.  He isn't in the house.  We let him out a while ago, but he hasn't come back.  The neighbor's dog is making a lot of noise.  Is that where Ragu is?  Why do we let him play outside?

I've just turned 8.   My neighbor is moving to Europe.  I guess I won't get to spend time with his daughter anymore.  Or their cat.  I'll miss them both.  Will she ever know?  Will I see her again?

I've just turned 12.  One of the girls in my class is sitting near me on the bus.  I think she's cute.  But she'll never talk to me, except to play Uno with all of us in the back.  What would she say if I asked her to a movie?

I've just turned 16.  I have a car and a summer job, working at a hotel restaurant.  One of the hostesses, Ashley, is very cute.  Her accent sounds so good.  Is it British, or Australian?  It is just subtle enough I can't tell.  I want to see her outside of work.  In something besides the blue polo and khakis we both wear.  But would she want to see me?  I don't know, and I don't ask.

I've just turned 17, and I want to do something fun this weekend.  A friend of mine, Katie, is sitting at lunch with me.  There are several of us at the table, but she is the one sitting across from me.  She always sits there.  Everyone else may shuffle around, but she always sits there.  I wonder if she wants to do something fun this weekend.  But I'll never ask her.  I don't want her to say no.  She wouldn't, but I don't want to risk it.

I've just turned 18.  I'll be going to college in a few months.  Right now, I'm working as a stock boy and banquet organizer for a fast food shack at an amusement park.  At least this one has pools, and lifeguards, and girls in bathing suits.  But I have to work.  There is a party at the pavilion, and I have to take 45 burgers, as many hot dogs, 4 tubs of potato salad, and a big pan of baked beans over there.  I can't take the time to look at the scenery.  Why am I here?  And why don't I go chat with Melissa, the lifeguard I know from school?

I've just turned 20.  I'll be home from college soon.  I don't want to work the same summer jobs I have before.  Foodservice tires me.  I'll do construction.  I know a guy who needs good carpenters, painters, etc, and I'm pretty competent with a hammer, saw, paintbrush, whatever.  I meet the job requirements.  The only downside?  The only people on the job are us 4 guys.  But I can't do what I did before.  How will I meet new people?

I've just turned 24.  I know the perfect girl for me.  She is just as random as I am, but I don't want to ask her.  What if she says no?  Why is this still a problem for me?  I'm moving away soon, graduating and getting a job, and she'll never know.  Why is it like this?

I've just turned 35.  I got two kittens at the pound.  They're very cute.  I would rather have children, but I still haven't found the one.  Or maybe I have, and I just haven't asked her, because I can't bear the thought of her saying no.  Now I'm past my prime.  Who's left?  Or should I start singing "Here's to the losers, bless us all"?

I've just turned 70.   I've gotten new kittens.  They're just as cute as the last ones.  But they will never be what I really need.  Retirement sits well with me.  I have all the time in the world to play with my kittens.  But no one else knows I exist.  How could they?  The biggest part of my life at this age should be my grandchildren, but I can't even find a woman to have children with.

I've just turned 90.  I've moved to this "retirement community".  What they really mean is "home for old-folks-with-no-family".  They don't let me have cats anymore.  One of the other residents is allergic.  So I sit and watch TV.  I found a cat while I was out walking.  He reminded me of my first one, Ragu.  He played fetch with me.  I threw a stick, and he went and got it.  I tried to sneak him in, but I got caught.  I wonder if I can keep him as an outdoor cat.  He's the closest I'll come to a family now.  I'll have to go to the grocery store tomorrow and get cat food.

I've just turned 24.  I need to ask her out.  Before its too late.  Before I leave this town.  Before I can't.  Before I become that crazy old man with the cats.  And if she says no, I'll get over it.  It won't be the first time.  It probably won't be the last.